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Letter from the Rabbi
December 2011
“Lou Wiener: Patriarch of University Synagogue, Reconstructionism And His Family”
Dear Haverim,
One of University Synagogue’s most beloved members passed away last Sunday. Our sanctuary was filled to capacity on Tuesday with people who knew and loved Lou. Below is the eulogy that I delivered at his funeral. For those who knew Lou, my eulogy will ring true. For those who didn’t, please keep reading to learn about an incredible mentsch who changed the future of University Synagogue.
“Soon, the Cantor will sing “Mi Ha-Ish” from the Biblical Book of Proverbs: “Who is the person who loves life in order to do good in the world, who turns away from speaking ill of anyone, whose words bring healing and not harm, who seeks only goodness and peace.”
These words describe, most poetically, Lou Wiener who we are mourning today. We still can’t believe that Lou has passed away – we are all grieving – we are all in mourning.
Each time that I went to the two hospitals, I hoped/even believed that Lou would once again turn this thing around. I had watched his miraculous recovery after visiting him at Cedars Sinai years ago, and then, again, more recently, after his fall and broken bones at Hoag, and at rehab. Yes, Lou would beat the odds again!
This good and loving man, whom I’ve known and loved for over 40 years, would emerge victorious, I told myself. But, in reality, I had never seen him so weak as he was on Thanksgiving Day at the hospital – weak, yes, but also sweet, with a lovely smile on his face, struggling to mouth some words.
I don’t even know where to begin. I’m still in shock. Lou was one of the first leaders of the Reconstructionist movement whom I had ever met. I was still a student at the University of Pennsylvania, thinking of attending the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College after graduation for rabbinic ordination. There was a national Kallah, in New York, where I met so many leaders of our movement, but Lou stood out above the rest even then.
Intelligent, curious, and visionary but, most of all, fun (what a laugh he had), I was immediately drawn to Lou. Here was a man who learned Judaism as an adult, who believed in humanism and humanity, who was grateful that Rabbis Mordecai Kaplan, Ira Eisenstein, and so many others had been part of his spiritual life, who loved Judaism and the Jewish people and who was politically progressive and religiously daring – I wanted to grow up to be like Lou.
Through the years, I saw Lou at movement conferences and whenever I spoke in Southern California. And then, one day, over two decades ago, I was ready to move here when University Synagogue graciously asked me to be their Rabbi.
Without Lou and Myra, University Synagogue would not have become the major shul that it is today. There would also have been no Pre-School (that the Board recently voted to name in Lou and Myra’s honor). Lou wasn’t just generous in his philanthropy, but with his time, as well. Because he loved his havurah – the Whittier Havurah – the longest running havurah ever created anywhere in American Jewish history, Lou worked to make sure that our University Synagogue havurah program would also be successful.
Lou was a blessing to our entire Orange County Jewish community as he had always been to Whittier’s Jewish community and to the national Reconstructionist movement.
With a smile on his face, speaking faster than a locomotive and laughing his big laugh, Lou dreamed of what Jews, Judaism and Reconstructionism could become. In philanthropy, he never said no; nor did he hold back in any other way – when you asked him for advice or in the love that he gave to his family and friends.
Can’t you just hear Lou now, with his characteristic expressions: “Only in America;” “No matter what they say about you, you’re okay” (offered with a laugh); “That idea turned me on” and “Have a great time.”
Lou was wise, ambitious and successful in business beyond belief, loving, passionate, funny, and big in every way – especially with his big heart. He could simultaneously focus on everything – he loved politics, theater, sports, good food, and the company of friends. Lou was no fashion plate – did anyone ever have more sweatshirts than Lou? And what about his accent – as in the memoir that he wrote entitled “From Brownsville to California,” you could take the boy out of Brooklyn, but Lou was pure Brooklyn through and through.
Lou would often say that Reconstructionism “saved” his life – by which he meant that it opened him up to being intellectually honest and seeking true meaning in life. No “as if” religion for Lou, no pretending to believe in supernaturalism, no abandonment of reason – rather, for Lou, Judaism needed to be a uniting of head and heart. Most members of University Synagogue and of other Reconstructionist congregations, across the country belong for a variety of reasons – ideology isn’t always paramount. But, for Lou, it was, and for that he served as a role model to so many people here about the importance of intellectual integrity, religious pluralism and spiritual evolution. Lou was a “model Jew” – always learning, forever curious, a giver of tzedakah and a doer of gemilut hasadim/deeds of kindness.
Lou was blessed with a loving family. His late wife Ruth – whom I had the pleasure of knowing – advised him on business, human relationships and the importance of family. Myra – who Lou pursued as only an entrepreneur can – taught him to relax, enjoy life, find balance and have fun.
Lou’s life was hard. He came from an abusive home as a child and he lost his wife and one of his daughters to cancer. When he found himself depressed, Lou went to therapy to become, in his own words, “as good as you’re going to get.” Lou was no Job-like character to be pitied – he was exuberant and full of life and he knew that he had so much for which to live.
Money can’t make you happy, Lou often said, only relationships, goals and being a good role model. He inspired people to make tzedakah a habit, saying that people shouldn’t give tzedakah only when they had achieved a certain level of financial stability, for the Jewish lesson is “put the penny in the pushke” – a lesson that he learned when he was both young and dirt poor. “Everyone can contribute,” Lou said.
When it came to his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, Lou was the “kveller-in-chief.” He went to so many simchas and loved each one. I remember when his granddaughter, Noa, had her Bat Mitzvah last February at University Synagogue, Lou was so proud to have made it to that day, to have lived for that moment. It was truly a Shehecheyanu moment for him – Noa was the last of the B’nai Mitzvah of his grandchildren. Lou was proud, for he had inspired all of them and their parents to pursue Jewish education. He had fulfilled the parental role that had been denied to him when he was a child.
Lou had always been the patriarch of this family, but it became especially evident with his own Bar Mitzvah at age 69. He had hoped to have a second Bar Mitzvah, as is traditional, at age 83, but that dream, sadly, was thwarted by illness.
I cried yesterday at Myra’s dining room table, as I listened to Lou’s voice on a recording made by his granddaughter, Ellie. I came to Myra’s home to comfort Lou’s family, but I, too, was and am grieving mightily with all of you.
I learned a new story yesterday about Lou, one that added immensely to my love and admiration for him. When his daughter, Barbra, was a teenager in 1963, Lou suggested that they go to the Coliseum to hear Martin Luther King. Dr. King was speaking to an audience that was 99% African-American about the necessity of fair housing. Like many teenagers, Barbra resisted a bit, preferring to do something with her friends. But Lou insisted because he knew that such a moment comes rarely in life and he hoped that it would inspire in her greater understanding, empathy and social activism. It did. It was transformative and Barbra traces her devotion to Tikkun Olam to that moment in her life.
Lou was a teacher, a visionary and a mentsch. He was not just liked and appreciated – he was loved and he will forever be loved. Lou was genuine, completely unpretentious, devoid of ostentation, and honest in his feelings, beliefs and dreams.
These are the words that close Lou’s autobiography. They are a lesson to us all: “There it is – a kid from Brownsville who now lives in Newport Beach, California. I’ve gone from poverty to wealth, from non-believer to a person with strong spiritual beliefs, and from a serious person to someone who is a bit lighter. Looking back on my seventy plus years, I realize that the biggest influence in my life has been my Jewishness. It helped me to develop into being a better person.
I won’t just fade into the atmosphere as an old man. I expect to spend the rest of my life with Myra and have a good time. I also expect to provide meaningful contributions and be of service to the community. I believe, and the Jewish people believe, there is only one way to pass on values from one generation to another, and that is by being a role model. I will be a role model to my children and grandchildren. I love being with them and realize that I have an impact upon them. I’m a lucky guy.”
And, we, Lou, are so lucky to have had you in our lives. With Myra, Phyllis and Shayna, Barbra and Catharine, with Don and Shari, Allan and Leanne and Scott, with Lou’s 14 grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren, we say – zichrono livracha. May Lou Wiener’s memory be a blessing to us all.”
B’shalom,
Rabbi Arnold Rachlis
Rabbi Arnold Rachlis
